I'm so tired. Oh so goddamn tired. Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong; are you testing me, God? When will this test be over? I'm so sick and tired of this, this false front I put up for the world everyday.
But then again, doesn't everyone pretend?
I don't know. My problems seem so superficial, so childish. I guess I'm just weak. I can't handle stress. I can't handle sadness.
What can I do?
Thinking about it, I really have next to no redeeming qualities, haven't I? I'm rude, overly loud, insensitive... It's no wonder people choose to ignore me. Better than the other option.
Scolding me would just waste their energy after all.
I'm not worthy. At all.
It's so funny though, how I want the one thing that could never be mine.
But then again, I want a lot of things. And it seems I'll never be strong enough to chase after what I want, to earn the right to possess the things I want.
I'm just a huge whiner right? One that always acts better than she actually is, one that doesn't know her own abilities and how low she is on the desirability scale.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't effing know what I'm here for. I'm just a waste of space, a black mark on the history of mankind.
Just who is this inside of me? Inside of this fragile shell we call our home?
Everyone, please don't get too close to me; I'm bad for you. What a joke though; as if anyone would have even wanted to. I'm just purely disgusting and a pain in the ass to be around.
And I can't even change myself for it, just sit here, and whine, lost in self pity like the loser I am.
Isn't it laughable? That people like me exist? Only to bring pain to those around them, to push away the ones nice enough to care.
But even though physical overpowers mental, I'm too much of a coward to do what it takes to take the pain away. This defective doll is broken and should be flung far away, to a place where no one would ever find her.
Perhaps then, the world would be a better place.
To anyone who reads this, I'm so sorry for wasting your time; you deserve better; way WAY better than this pile of rubbish.
-Kuri
